Did you feel that?
That resistance in the depths of your soul to feel weak, to be seen as weak, to be KNOWN as weak?
I have to admit, today was a day of resistance for me. I got grounded. From driving. For six months. SIX MONTHS, you guys.
Because of seizures. Unpredictable, out-of-my-control, seizures. Can't wish them away, push them away, "strong arm" them away, even pray them away. They come at random intervals, and with each occurrence I am again grounded.
Now listen up: I'm not looking for sympathy. I've been feeling sorry for myself all day, and that's quite enough. (Not that I won't go there again, but I don't want to take up residence there.)
But tonight, I got thinking about weakness. Physical weakness. I've read some good stuff about that recently, even this morning, and wouldn't you know that I need it right now!
For example, this was part of today's (today's!!) devotion from Jesus Calling (by Sarah Young):
Accept each day exactly as it comes to you. By that I mean not only the circumstances of your day but the condition of your body.
On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than your strength.
Yes, my friends, today is one of those days.
Weakness comes in lots of forms, right?
Physical, yes. Emotional, definitely, Circumstantial, without a doubt.
But today I found three good reasons to sit in my weakness.
I don't have what it takes to keep going like I've been going, doing what I've been doing. I only have what it takes to keep being me, frail and broken. Yet in my frailty, my brokenness, even my grounded-ness, I am keenly aware that TRYING HARDER is not going to help me. It will send me straight into discouragement and disillusionment. But faith? Faith that God knows, cares, loves, has a plan? Well, that brings encouragement to me and illuminates this day.
God always gives me more than I can handle. Always. What, you say? I thought it was the other way around! God NEVER gives me more than I can handle, right?
NO. (First this is nowhere to be found in the Bible - check it out!) This is so important - don't miss this - if He only gave me what I could handle, why in the world would I ever need him for anything? Dependence on Him for all that "more" is required. Trying to handle it on my own? Well, see above. I don't have what it takes.
When I am weak, He is strong. He is at His best when I am at my worst, because only then do I cry out for Him, surrender completely to Him, trust Him altogether. If I'm being honest, I might throw myself at Him only when I get to the end of myself, but He is there waiting every.single.time and proves Himself not just faithful but STRONG. For me. He fights for me. He loves me. He waits for me to run out of myself.
So today, right now, as I sit here in weakness, I am resolved to stay at the end of myself, to accept by faith that I simply can't handle this (whatever the "this" of the day is) on my own, and to remember and trust that when I'm weak, then He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.